You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize