Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
