she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
