she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
