If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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