Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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