I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
