Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
