my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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