he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
