if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
