I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
