did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
