I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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