the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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