sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
