Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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