I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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