I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize