i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize