im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
