yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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