Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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