Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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