Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
