Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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