I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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