he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
