one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
