Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
