I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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