Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm like, not good at living.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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