This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
