saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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