he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
