Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
