i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
