My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize