Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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