That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
