well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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