Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
