I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
