how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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