I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
