yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
