I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
