Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
