Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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