who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
