She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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