In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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