Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
