Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
