Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
