Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
