I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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