We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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