Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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