She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
