You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
