i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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