I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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