i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
