so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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