How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
