Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
