There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
