Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
