Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
