make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
