i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
