guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
