Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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