Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Randomize
