wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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