my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
