is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
