i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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