I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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