the condom got lost in my hair
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
