yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
